Stuff...

So, I'm having a hard time lately living so far from family and keep struggling within myself and my strong desire to live closer and our lives being set in Kansas, for now.  Don't get me wrong - I do enjoy Kansas and the Kansas City area.  But we have no family close.  The closest family is in Dallas and that is an easy trip to make in a day (8 hours) but not one we can do very often.  I love Matt's family and would love to live closer to them or closer to our family in Utah/Arizona.  Matt's desire to live in Utah in non-existent so I don't see that ever happening.  He doesn't have a huge desire to live in Dallas because of the size of the metro area.

A bit more complaining from me...  While I can certainly see the benefits in my life from moving here and I would do it all over again exactly the same, I feel like I'm a different person here than I was in Utah.  I had great friends at work in Utah.  I don't here.  I felt like I belonged in my ward in Utah and had very meaningful connections there.  I don't feel like I have that here.  Many Sundays are a struggle within myself to go to Church...for a number of reasons besides the social ones.  In Utah, I felt like I had come to a point where I was comfortable and happy with who I was.  I don't feel that way here and I struggle with that.  I find myself yearning for that security that I had.  I've talked with my Matt about these feelings and he says I probably haven't lost that knowledge of who I am/was - I'm just on a journey of finding out more about myself.

Anyway, we're staying in Kansas City so I need to stop yearning for things I would like and don't think I have right now.  I've thought that maybe getting more involved will fill the void I think exists.  So, I was recently invited to be a member of the board for the local BYU Alumni Association chapter.  I've never been a huge BYU fan, even when I went to school there, so this seemed like such a wrong fit for me.  I decided to do it anyway.  I'm not sure yet, why, because I can't force what I don't feel.  But I had a great time at my first Board Meeting last week and feel that I can contribute.

If the BYU Alumni Association wasn't enough BYU involvement, I also became the secretary for the local chapter of the BYU Management Society this week.  YIKES!

At work, I was just elected as the Treasurer of Employees Club, I help on the annual Leukemia & Lymphoma Society Fundraising Committee and I've been helping on the committee for the Kansas City Corporate Challenge games.

I volunteered to teach Gospel Doctrine in my ward one Sunday every other month and Matt & I still work in the KC Temple.

None of these alone take much time but all together with everything else...I wonder if I'm over-committing myself.  I don't think I am and will just take everything as it comes.  I realize that if we are able to have a baby, I won't be able to do all this.  But, in the meantime, I'm hopeful that I'll start to feel more connected to this area and make some more friends.